Just got back from Mighty 4 in San Francisco, what a great time It was great to see some quality locking and popping. Congrats to Dennis and Shyguy for winning 2 on 2 locking battle And thanks to James for the drive home - I REALLY appreciate it man Crispy Buns
Life has been a bit rough lately... I have been sick the past month with a sinus infection and bronchitis. As a result, I missed a few weeks of DSP practice and dance class, in addition to falling behind in some of my schoolwork. I have also been struggling to keep postitive... My 10th high school reunion was this weekend, and I did not go. Why? Because I am really dissatisfied with where I am right now.
I am still finishing a bachelorapos;s degree at 28, when many of my friends have PhDs, Masters, and/or wonderful jobs. In debt, and low on cash. Mediocre at street fighter, dance, music, tech, and school. Failed at marriage, bad with relationships, and will probably never trust a person at that level again. Flaky friend. Horrible Son. Procrastinator. Unattractive. Lonely. Insecure.
It may seem a bit silly, but this is my honest self perception. And sometimes I foolishly get absorbed into it. Like when I lost 15 games of SF in a row against my friend Dave, or when I canapos;t really get whats going on at practice, or I canapos;t follow whatapos;s going on in mechanics class. Every small insignificant failure is a crushing blow to an already feeble ego. I hate it.
I know what Iapos;m supposed to say. "Iapos;m going to go out there and change it" But self help books wouldnapos;t sell if it were that simple. You see, this place where I get to be negative and beat myself up is like a familiar house. You know where everything is, and its warm and comfortable. Itapos;s hard to go outside into the unknown, even when you know its the right thing to do.
Man, this post is really emo, isnapos;t it? Whatever. Sometimes putting thoughts on paper put them into perspective. I had a damn great time learning to lock from Dennis yesterday. And a wonderful time spectating at Mighty 4 today. I have a whole day tomorrow to catch up on some school work. Things arenapos;t all bad.
Love.
B.
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